Sorry I've missed a couple of days. Been really busy with work.

Ms T says:

I have made the biggest mistake.

When i was in a relationship with my ex...i was unsure of him, he was very much into commitment and to be honest, that scared me very much.

During our relationship, whenever we fought over the smallest matter, more often than not, I'd try to win in the situation by using 'let's break up'...

That is my greatest mistake ever, taking him for granted and now, after tolerating my shit for a year and a half, he has asked for a break up and left.

I didn't know what i had until i lost it, and now i just wanna get him back with me, to show him i really love him, and i'm willing to commit to being with him.

I begged for a chance for a whole week after we broke up, he said, "who knows, maybe after my exams.."

So i waited, i still texted him and wished him good luck in his exams, after he finished with exams, i waited a week, and asked him if i could have another chance, this is almost two months since we broke up.

He told me that he just wanted to be friends, and that he doesn't want to be dumped again, and that he's emotionally drained.

We were together for a year and a half, my first relationship, his 5th.

I must add that before we broke up, he had been close with a girl friend of his from college for 3 months, meaning calls for more than an hour during midnight.

After we broke up, needless to say, they got closer.
So as a friend, i asked him how were things between him and that girl, he said they were close, and that the girl might be a potential future girlfriend, but for now the limit was best friends.

And, during the time when we broke up, we met once and he kissed me, not a chum kiss, but only the kind shared between a couple.

I don't know exactly what to do, am i reading signs that we have a chance again? or is it over?

What can i do to get you back, if you were my boyfriend?

Please advise me.

B@rt says:

These are the obstacles that you are facing atm:

1) When you were in the relationship you did not appreaciate him and this made him feel like he was the one doing all the work to keep the relationship alive while he felt like you were trying to sabo the relationship by constantly asking for breakup.
2) He found someone whom he is interested in and that someone is treating him better than you did.
3) He doesn't know if things will go back the way it was which makes him hesitant to get back together.
4) he doesn't find you attractive anymore because all he remembers is your angry face when you argue with him all the time

ok lets get a few myths busted. Firstly, guys are not as stubborn/hard as they seem. He might say to you that he doesn't want to get back together but it is not definite especially in your case. It is usually definite if the gf cheats on him. So what I'm saying here is don't give up hope. Most guys are actually very soft on the inside (ie sam yuin). All you need to do is play at his heartstrings for him to take you back and this is how you should do it.

Get your act together. Go for a professional makeover. Get some new "in" clothes (eg skirts if you are the jeans type) (try Jap fashion - a lot of guys find it hot because of Jap anime) and start wearing them when he is around. I don't know whether you go to college together or work or go to the same club but when he is around be confident, be slightly flirtatious but not overdoing it, mix around with other guys and girls. This will remind him why he courted you in the first place and what he is missing out (solved point 4, ie making him attracted to you again).

Then you need to get a guy friend to say to him "Wah your ex damn hot lah. Wasted lah you". He will say "ya I know but she doesn't appreciate me when we were together" and he should say "Sure or not?". This will plant the seed of doubt in him whether you were really that bad after all. Presuming you and ur ex have the same group of friends ask whether he could pick you up to go yum cha with the friends or say you're stranded somewhere (at college?) and you need a ride home. During the ride be nice and friendly and before you step out of the car say "Hey I miss you" with a sad longing face. This will make him sam yuin and make him feel as if you are starting to appreciate him (solve point 1 and point 3 somewhat).

Later that evening get a girl friend or your sister to call him and find out for you discreetly whether he still has feelings for you. She should ask something along the lines of "wah she still keeps your photos and your gifts leh and she takes them out to look sometimes. I think she still hasn't gotten over you. In the future you think u guys got chance to get back together?" This will make him think that he still got chance with you and if he liked you enough to tolerate your insecurities over 1 1/2 years I think he will start thinking of getting back together with you.

At this stage you might be wondering, what about the girl he is interested in? My advice is ignore the girl for now because if you call the girl or get someone to threaten her he will eventually hear about it and blame you. You just need to remind yourself that they have only started talking and flirting but they are not serious yet. He has a right to choose now that he is a free agent if in the event that they have gotten serious and started dating you have 2 choices: 1) Spannar (see para beginning "Get your act together"); or 2) leave them alone and hope they break up and then u be there to console him and take him back.

ok back to the kiu. Now he is thinking about you, you need to get on the offensive. Go to his house at one night when u know he will be in and ask him whether can go driving for awhile because you have something to tell him (facial expression must be sad). As i mentioned in the myth busting para, guys are very sam yuin. You need to use this to your advantage. In the car while he is driving, u start crying. He will ask you "why you cry? who/what make you cry?". You should say "I'm really sorry for hurting you. I... I... miss you so much... I keep thinking of the happy times we had together like that time in . I know I was spoilt and always argue with you. I won't do it again I promise... I'm so sorry...sob sob." At this point hug him and he will automatically pull to the side of the road. A lot of guys are especially sam yuin when girls cry (i admit that I am one of those guys). Under the romantic street light with a girl he once loved crying in his arms I dare any guy to say that they will not be sam yuin. (btw point 3 solved)

Good luck

How to kau a famous blogger,

N says that he likes this famous celebrity blogger and would like a kiu to kau her.

B@rt says:
This is what you should do. Since she is into writing blogs first you need to piss her off with insults on her blog like what you did to me. Don't worry this step is only temporary to attract her attention and to get her talking to you even though it is hostile at first. After a few arguments start agreeing with her (even though u don't) and praise her writing and creativity. She will be like "hmm this guy is actually not a bad guy after all". Give it a month or 2 of commenting on her blog and progress to chatting online (via MSN) and then progress to calling her. This is where your conversational and flirting skills come into play. The weird thing about girls is that they don't need to actually see your face to start to fall for you. If you are good looking by all means send her a picture of yourself looking smart, in jeans and shirt and don't pan cool. If you're not good looking withhold any pictures until she says over the phone that she likes you. At that point go ahead and ask for a meet up. Pls do your best to look good as this will be the first time she sees u and she will decide the moment she sees you whether she can accept your face or not (she's already accepted your character after talking to you for a few months). After the first meet up if she doesn't avoid you then you're in. If she avoids you then you know you're not good looking enough for her.

Gals where to find? How to make friends with them?

V says:

i'm not looking for a gf just wanna make frens with gals but i don know how.......

1st) well if i don have much money can i go after gals??
2nd) how to get to know a gal?
3rd) wht should i do when i go out with a gal??? movie + dinner?
4th) i don speak much wht can i do? i even bad in telling jokes
5th) i'm not a good looking person wht should i do??
6th) i cant go out late have 2 back b4 12am
7th) i don know how 2 drink n smoke should i learn this things??
8th) i never been 2 clubbing cos.. i cant go out late.......

pls help me out.. i think i'm left over.......

B@rt says:

Ok Vincent first things first your situation is not a hopeless case as you seem to project in your post. Believe it or not there are many guys out there who do not have/do the things you listed above. But somehow or rather they still manage to get girls. OMG How is this possible you say. Well another truth that I am going to lay on you is this. There are many girls like what you described above! OMG ITS TRUE!

Now that we know this we need to realise that ppl look for partners who share similarities/compatible with themselves. Rich ppl go after rich ppl. Good looking ppl go after good looking ppl. Fat ppl go after fat ppl. So... what this translates is that you should also look for someone who share similarities with you. Now if you tell me "but... but... I want a hot chick with F cup and have a RM 1b trust in her name" then I will sau kung now. But if you say "No lah i'm not that superficial" then here is what you do.

OK. I believe any guy would have their own set of friends from secondary school (we call em hing tais) and what we normally do when we are with our hing tais is we yum cha at the mamak stall. Now what you need to do is to organise a yum cha session with your hing tai but also invite the girls from your secondary school on the pretense of a reunion. This will be the icebreaker cos you can't suddenly call up girls out of the blue (unless you look like Edisen Chen). OK so I should mention at this point why we are targetting his secondary school girls. The reason is because the girls from his secondary school already know the kind of person he is and it is easier for him to talk to a girl that already knows him as a friend/ex-classmate. Also another reason why we are doing this yum cha session besides the ice breaking bit is because Vincent will be in the company of friends which helps put him at ease somewhat.

OK so there you are at the yum cha session (pls dress smartly. I cannot repeat this enough. Its the clothes that make the guy. This is very true). Try sitting yourself at the edge of your group of friends (ie leaving one chair open on the left or right) thus increasing the possibility of a ex-female classmate sitting next to you. When the girl parks her butt just wave and say a friendly helo. If you can see yourself going out with her and that she is compatible with you then stay seated if she's too hot/too ugly/too tomboyish for you then go toilet or walk around and ask one of your friends to take ur spot and talk to her to make it seem like you didn't change your seating position on purpose. Ok assuming this girl is acceptable during the course of the yum cha session occasionally talk to her about common interest stuff like "hey did you hear about our ex-classmate? She's married adi leh" and she will say "omg really???" and say "yalah when is your turn?" and she will either say "nolah no BF yet" (YESSS!!!) or "ooh my bf not yet propose yet" (NOOO). Depending on the answer feel free to use the tactic to change seating position mentioned above. in the event of YESSS, talk to her some more but keep it light. At the end of the yum cha session DON'T ask for her number. Rather ask a more popular friend to suggest that everybody exchanges MSN or better yet exchange facebook or twitter or whatever u young ppl are using these days.

Fast forward a week later. Add her on facebook/MSN. A week's period is given because u don't want to appear desperate or someone who has no life who goes home straight to the computer to add her to look at her pictures on Facebook. Next time you and your hing tais yum cha ask your hing tais to also ask ex-female classmates who are closer to your group of friends (or if you already have females in your normal yumcha sessions even better) to join. Message the girl and say "hey we're meeting up again but this time smaller group lah you want to come and join?" immediately throw out a few names (pls mix guys and girls names). She will either say "No I'm busy lah next time" or say "Yes ok". If you're feeling daring and that you have a good feeling that she has a good feeling about you, you should offer to pick her up from her house to the mamak stall and then send her back later at 12 (say you don't like to stay out too late cos you don't want your overprotective parents to worry). Invite her to a couple more yum cha sessions and when you feel confident one night when you're sending her home mention this amazing movie that is coming out (eg Lord of the rings 4: the Return of B@rt) ask her if she would like to go watch a movie and have dinner together. If she says yes you're in. If she says no but gives a good excuse say "no problem next time then" and remember to ask again next time. If she says No and gives some lame excuse then time to look for new target.

Good luck

pls help me out., my engagement is in danger..

S says:

dear all..i want to share my stories that happent almost 1 week..

Im a 25 years old guy whos still studying..while my fiancee is 24 and shes working now.
the thing is we always fight about small things n sometimes shes bring some old issues up.
and we do the long distance relationship..

and honestly all the emails n facebook i make for her, for sure i know all the password...n she also know all my password.

last week i found this guy message her on facebook which asking her phone number n exchange phone number n mail..

n i found out that this guy is her cousin nephew.

tonight i accidently sign in her YM cos i see shes offline n i dont have any idea that shes appear offline that time..

so when im sign in they still chat which means my fiancee YM is signout while me is on.

so that guy dont have any idea whats going on just.. i got the words from him "hahahaha yea its should be like that" and "wah...why sign out???"

im shock..n go for sign out instanly..

later on 30 minutes latter im trying sing in again..things happent again..the guy words "hahahahah.yaya" and "huh?? sign out again??"

its already 12.30am..while everytime i ask her to chat with me she always said that she tired..shes sleepy..always got excueses..what about this man??

why he got the time for chat??? what about me??

and i also find out that this guy come to my engagement party with his cousin.

and my fiancee n this guy know each other in the january i think..cos i see his cousin photo wedding that they all (cousin nephew siblings) taking picture all together.

what should i do actually??

i know im thinking to much on negative side..n i do believe in her..

but what happend n so on just make me wonder what it is about actually..whats going on..

while im sms her, shes not reply..even reply will make any fight on..

and i also dont know what they are talking about at YM..

i cant tell her straight "hei what u doing chat this late with this guy??" huh i think its gonna be more worse..

can anyone tell me what should i do..i really hopeless now..as a man maybe i lost my dignity already..shame on me.

B@rt says:
this is a very interesting scenario. OK assuming the cousin's nephew lives in the same area as your fiance, I would say that there is a probability that the guy is after her and will ask to meet up for yum cha.

Your fiance is experiencing what i call long distance loneliness. When you're in town u meet up its all lovey dovey and nice but when u're apart for more than 2 months she forgets about how you make her feel and the love that you guys share and she feel lonely. This makes her susceptible to the other guy's advances. Seeing as she is already talking late into the night with this guy it means that she is somewhat interested and flattered by the attention that he is giving her not to mention that all u guys do these days is argue. if you allow this to prolong they will hook up eventually and one day she will change her passwords and pm u saying "sorry I found a new love. It couldn't be helped. I already fall for him adi".

I know all this because it happened to me. I was with my ex for 2 years and when I went to Australia to further my studies another guy chased her in my absence and i received a yahoo message from her 4 months after I left saying that she wants to split up because of our differences (which was bullshit because in actual fact she hooked up with the guy).

My suggestion to you if you want to save this relationship is to get his number and call him directly. Before he answers start recording the conversation on ur mobile phone. Tell him that you know what he has been doing and to back off.

If he says ok then say, Thank you for understanding.

If he says FXXX u then say "thank you for being unreasonable you will be hearing from me again shortly". Save the recording and drive (if possible) to your fiance's house in whichever state she is in and ask her what is she doing talking to the guy till late at night. If she says they are only friends, play the recording to her and say "He doesn't think so". If she insist on continuing this friendship then you have 2 choices: a) you come back more often (ie 2 weekends a month) and hang out with her more often, or b) you call it quits and tell her that security goes both ways and that you cannot do a long distance relationship when she cannot give u the security that she will wait for u.

Girl I like avoiding me

H says:

Recently, I get to know a girl whom I like. It was love at first sight when my friend introduced her to me. Coincidentally she just broke up with her boyfriend and got hurt pretty badly. So, I take the opportunity and the result blossom. We went to movies together alone and she even kissed me on my cheek when i send her
home.

Things got on smoothly until last week when I called her out for movie. At that time she was having dinner with some of her close friends nearby, so I go over to join her. She introduced all her friends to me one by one, and things started to turn haywire when i was greeted by a familiar face.

A plum girl with a big black mole below her lips with a few hair sticking out of it. I as like WTF because this is the girl I rejected back when i was in college. She used to send me love letter and stalk me until finally i rejected her and make fun and humiliated her in front of many people leaving her crying. That's the last time
I saw her because I heard rumors she transferred to another college due to unknown reason.

So, at that brief moment I acted don't know her and surprisingly she also acted dont know me as well. So, I thought everything will go on fine. I then went for movie with my girl and sent her home. She was happy and all...

Then, many days passed and I feel she started avoiding me. When I sms her, she will seldom reply unlike last time. And the answer in sms if she reply also is very short. I ask her out for dinner and such, she will mostly reject unlike last time. So, I decided to ask her out to find out the truth. Finally, I get to know from her that the fat friend of her talk a lot of false gossip about me.

She said I was a playboy and cheated on many girls and other bullshit which were not true. I tried to explain but to no avail b'cos she know me only less than a month but she trusted her a lot because they're friends for more than 10 years.

Whenever I gave reason and explain she will smile and ask me dont pretend anymore until I finally lose my cool and scolded her for being so stupid. She told me she don't want to get cheated and hurt anymore like her past relationship. That's the last word we spoke and she didnt want me to send her back, but instead called another friend to pick her from the spot.

Until now, I dont know she change her hp number or what, because all my sms and call has been ignored. Her facebook also blocked me. Maybe this is karma b'cos i humiliated the fat girl and she now come back with such revenge. Is there any advise o turn the table around again? This ain't troll topic like last time and I really need good advise to get back with her.

B@rt says:
ok lets get a few things straight here.

1) you humiliated her friend in front of ppl and now her friend is hell bent on getting back at you
2) she trusts her friend more than you
3) she doesn't trust you
4) she has good feeling for you but she won't take it any further because of her past experience with her ex.

These are the issues that you need to address either by actions or by words in order for her to even consider giving you a chance.

Start by talking to another of her girl friends, one that you know do not like the fat friend (pls forgive me for using this term as I don't know how else to call her seeing as that is the only description given by the author of this thread) who is ur close friend or a close/girl friend of one of your guy friends. Gain her sympathy by telling her your side of the story on how she was stalking you and you didn't mean to hurt and embarrass the fat friend on purpose but I'm sure you know how it feels like for a guy to sei chin lan ta (ie don't want to give up courting you no matter what). Convince this friend to talk to the girl you like but in no way mention that you asked her to. This will plant a seed of doubt in the girl. This will help us address point number 2 above.

Call her up and say that you know why she is acting this way and ask her to hear u out. Say "I know you know the whole story from her perspective but at least give me a chance to tell you what happened from where I was standing". She will listen to you now that the other girl friend had given your side of the story to her. Tell her your side of the story (making sure that you do not in any way blame, insult, degrade her fat friend). After telling her your side of the story there will be an uncomfortable silence in which u must say "I know you trust (insert fat friend's name) but because she liked me so much last time and was hurt that I rejected her advances (cos I had no feelings for her) that now she doesn't want us to be together. Pls give me a chance to prove what kind of man I am and judge me YOURSELF and not what you heard from somebody else." She will then say "let me think about it" in which you will say "Thank you for understanding. The reason why I'm doing all this is because I felt a connection between us when we were together/going out and I don't want to regret not pursuing it to see if we were actually meant to be." By saying the last line you will be also be addressing point 4 as well as point 2 above. She will say ok then say bye bye.

If you are highly influential with the friend who helped u earlier you could ask her to talk to the girl to see what she is feeling. That would help tremendously.

If not u will have to pray that you were convincing enough to warrant her giving you a second chance. Now u will have to take things a bit slow and be patient. When the weekend nears you call her and tell her that your brother/friend gave you tickets to a movie/play/concert (one that she likes which will make it harder for her to say no). If possible go out with the friend and another guy friend (hopefully she is your friend's gf. If not you ask her whether she wants to go, no strings attached just hanging out. If she goes you will need to be casual, ie take her for a simple dinner and the movie/concert/play. This is on u to charm her with your gentleman demeanor but keep it friendly and don't pressure her. Be more of friends (ie no touching or hinting or whatever). At the end of the night send her home, say u had a good time and say goodbye without turning back (let her watch you leave). This will address point no 3.

From here on slowly build the trust and friendship with the occasional hinting. Watch for her hints.

That's all from me. Good luck

P.S: There is nothing you can do about point 1. The fat friend hates you no matter what you do so don't try make things better with her cos u will only make things worse.

The post that started it all...

A says:

Background
I am 29 this year and haven't have any GF before. In my teens, I am told to
establish a career first before love. I don't drink, smoke, nor gamble.
Naturally, I'm of a more reserved character.

She's 24 this year, single, working in the same department. She's living
with her parents and her only brother always drives her back from work, she
usually waits for an hour before her brother arrives. We end at 6pm but usually
work until 7-8pm at night. I'll put her as 'HM' for this thread.

Ok, so what happened so far?

Pre 02/06/09 - Nothing much. I have been working with this company for 2
years & she's been around for 9 months. Maybe as time goes by, I started
noticing her character/personality that's like a perfect combination.

02/06/09 - We were having lunch and a new colleague is asking about
everyone. The new girl asks HM and I heard HM said she has a BF. Instantly, I
mean instantly, the plate of rice straight away not taste liao. - Later luckily,
I found out I misinterpreted because I'm a banana. She's still single. From my
lunch time reaction, I know I'm fallen for this girl and I should not let any
chance goes by. I know I have to confess but I don't know what to do/how to
express it. - While she is waiting for her brother to pick her up after work, I
mustered just enough courage to ask her "what she thinks of me" and "if she's
wants to go out makan and watch movies with me". Her answer was "I think of you
like just a normal person" and "When I reach home I'm thinking of rest". - That
night, like the nights these days, I hardly can close my eyes without her on my
mind.

03/06/09 - She's rushing some works because the next day is her off day.
She was talking very cheerfully and candidly to our one of our supplier's staff.
And all the time I was next to her and don't even know how to break the ice. - I
envy that guy on the other side of the phone.- Before going off, I saw her
brother sleeping in the car waiting for her to finish her work. She's quite hard
on her brother (you know how siblings are) so I sms'ed her that she has a good
brother, waiting to pick her up everyday from work.

04/06/09 - HM is off today. Before I set off today to work, I made up my
mind to call her and ask her out for a movie after work. My fingers were
trembling and I don't know how I found the courage again to press the call
button. She didn't answer but text back. I sms-ed her and she said "she got a
date already".

I'm lost on how to proceed.

B@rt says:
ok a lot of ppl would tell u that u need to be her friend first and be able to talk without reservation before you start hinting (ur hints suck btw just to be honest but that comes with experience). I totally agree with them. Some of you may have read some of my post and I always give direct instructions (or some of my friends and gf like to call "se kiu". My se kiu for u is:

Try to get your boss to group you and her together on a project. Appoint yourself the "unofficial leader" of this project and divide out the work evenly (so that it is not unfair) but try to give her the harder part. When she starts to struggle help her with advice (schedule meetings and lunch meetings) and sit in close proximity to her to explain how it should be done. While sitting in close proximity pls make sure you are decently dressed, hair washed, breath fresh, use cologne and talk in a soft but manly way. If she does not back away brush ur hand on hers in an "accidental" way like as if u r reaching for a pen.

Later when the project is edging closer to the deadline try to stay back after work to complete your part of the work which will make her feel guilty not working as hard as you and she will stay back as well to work. When she does that offer take away dinner and eat dinner together (chit chat not eat and do work) (try creating romantic atmosphere by not turning on all the lights (save electricity mah)). Also offer to send her home and chit chat in the car. When u sampai her house see if she pauses before leaving the car. If she bolts then you know the night failed but if she lingers hehehe...

At the end of the project when ur boss congratulates you, pls say in front of her and the boss that both of you worked equally hard on this project. After that pls ask her out to go ice skating and dinner. If she says "oh but i dunno how to ice skate wor" u say "I'm reasonably good so i can teach u". If she says "ok" u ask her if she knows how to ice skate and if she says "yes" u say "ahh ok I'm not very good so hope u can teach me" (u must fake not knowing how to skate).

At the ice skating ring (or is it rink?) if she doesn't know how to skate you must let her go first and u go for a few rounds around the ring. The when u see her struggling to balance herself go over and offer your HAND. And then u hold both her hands and bawa her jalan. If she falls laugh with her, if somebody bumps into her say outloud to the fella to watch where he is going.

If you are the one who don't know how to skate do the opposite above.

Good luck!

Welcome to se kiu wong :)

After many people pm-ed me asking me whether I have a se kiu blog I decided to start one. Hopefully with this blog you will not miss any of my se kiu that I post to help ppl with their love problems. If you are facing a love problem and would like a se kiu you may post ur request here or in Lowyat.net forums and pm me there.

Finally, thank you to all my readers here and in LYN. You give me great satisfaction when you comment on my se kius may it good or bad. That's right, thank you as well Noob13!

Sincerely,
B@rt

P.S: Special thanks to Cranberries for being the first person to voice her appreciation of my se kius.